A mismash of cohesion

It's funny how things connect together in your mind. After having a catch up with some friends from school, chatting about old teachers etc, I decided to pick up one of only two books I think I read in any of my English classes that I actually remember enjoying (note: this doesn't mean I felt all the others were rubbish. It was just the mere process of rigorous analysis that ruined them for me). And this one was all the more significant because it wasn't, as I recall, on the curriculum. We spent a considerable period of time on a book that had nothing to do with our exams.

The book is called Moon Palace, by Paul Auster (I was going to link to the book's wikipedia entry, but it turns out that page has horrendous spoilers right at the beginning of the article. Uncool, wikipedia, uncool). In it, the main character, Marco Fogg, is on a search to find himself. What I find so compelling about the story is how Fogg is so easily his worst enemy. I don't identify with him that much as a character, per se, as he seems to be one of those 'philosophical' types who seem to be guided less by the practical than his ideals. He admits to trying to shock his friends, and builds up a false persona for himself that he inevitably falls into. But despite this, he finds himself in a multitude of unique situations, due to just being open to where life takes him (he ends up on the street, and his friends ask him how he never got bored during the day, doing nothing. but I think the point is, life happens regardless).

I could write a lot longer about this book, and I'm not sure my comments would make sense to anyone who hasn't read the book/my mind, but I think what I have drawn from this is that goals are good. experiencing life, as it comes, is also good. but you need to be wise and find the balance between these two. and whatever you do, avoid fading into the nothingness of the everyday. I find my time at Deloitte goes fast - not because I'm really enjoying it (uni also goes really fast - due to the enjoyment), but because in my memory, the days all fade into one. I'm desperate to avoid this feeling in the future, and hopefully this blog will be one method.

I started number 42 on the list the other day - read the whole Bible in order. I've tried this once before whilst I was in Brazil - I got stuck in the law-heavy books, mired in the whole 'for sin x, sacrifice y number of rams, and z young lambs...' bureaucracy. It did, however, make me feel grateful that we are no longer bound by the law! Anyway, this time I'm going to take it fairly slow - rather than try and 'power through' like last time. I think that way, I'll have more time to reflect on the journey as I make it, sort of similar to the benefits of climbing a mountain (running rarely advisable unless you are a porter or some form of native mountain goat. in which case you have four legs and are therefore cheating in my eyes).

How does this fit in with Moon Palace? Well, twofold: firstly, I was having a conversation with my friend Jeremy today about God and His plans in terms of career, life, etc. We agreed that you need to take time, as a Christian, to pray about His plans, but that by the same token, you can't read God into everything that happens relating to your life. This could easily lead to a kind of apathy, whereby if I fail a job interview, that 'wasn't God's calling for me', or whatever. No - you need to find God's will, and then pursue that with determination.
That's the first point. Marco Fogg asks 'why work?' and increasingly finds little to answer his questions, resulting in him barely sustaining himself. With God, there is always an answer - either what you are doing has some benefit to the Kingdom, or it doesn't. We have an instant benchmark for our actions, a direction, and a purpose. Sure, that direction isn't too clear for me right now. But I have faith that I won't be left alone in this.

So, Moon Palace has given me thoughts not only on this blog, but as life as a Christian. Another (perhaps) coincidence - my old English teacher, the one who made us read this book, and the one who once asked me whether a fart could be considered a poem or not, also happens to be a Christian. Without a doubt one of, if not the best, teacher I have ever had, he left us mid-term to publish his book, The Naked Christian. I haven't read it yet. But I want to. In terms of his status as being my best teacher, him leaving was pretty rubbish (he was replaced with a teacher the opposite end of the spectrum), but was also a brilliant move. In a Faulty Towers-esque way, he left while the going was good; while he still had us rooting for him. And what is better than an English Literature teacher actually walking the walk, and going away to publish some literature? I wonder if his thinking as a Christian influenced him in his choice of book. A book that would have no doubt, for those that engaged in it, have challenged every one us teenagers in that class who thought they had the world, in all senses of that word, sussed.

Number 55 is also a new entry, and is inspired by Moon Palace, and one more thought I've been wrestling with recently: the body is incredibly fragile, as matter goes, and yet the mind is unbelieveably resilient. It's quite strange how it's that way round... and so I see no reason why I should be so afraid of making big decisions - big strides in a direction that may be scary, but is the right way. My mind will adapt, I know it will. I just hope that I have the guts to make that decision when the time comes.